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Sunday 8th January 2006 at 11.45am




       Our First Born Daughter Alice,
       Was Born Sleeping at 40 weeks,
       In Liverpool Womans Hospital, 
       On 8th January 2006 at  
       11.45am, 
       Weighing 5Lb 7oz, 
       And was 19 inches long...



        
 
Sunday 8th January 2006 at 11.45am



Alice is a English girl name.

The meaning of the name is 
`Noble, Kind`.


Extra info: 

From Old English. Alternative meanings (French) Noble, Kind

Statistics:
The name Alice was given to 704 girls in the USA in 2004. Alice was the number 799 name that year. In 2005, the name was given to 738 girls making it the number 405 name that year.
The official name count for the US in 2005 has not been released yet.

Biblical name: 
Alice is considered to be a Biblical girl name. An alternate form of `Adelaide`. Other forms of this name that were used in the twelfth century England and France were `Alicia` and `Alesia`.


Alice Emma Crowder 
Was Born Sleeping on 
8th January 2006 at 40 Weeks...
 



"Alice's" Name Was Chosen And Named After Her Great Nan, 
Her Daddy's, Nanna Alice

"Emma" Was Chosen And Named After Her Other Great Nan, 
Her Mummy's, Nanny Ella (Emma).

Alice Is Safe In The Arms Of 
Her Both Great Nanny's In Heaven xXx

 
Sunday 8th January 2006

Alice Was Blessed & Named Today, 
By Deacon Francis Bowman...

 
            


(Thankyou Brandy xXx)

 
Mummy & Daddy Returned Home Alone, Can't Remember The Day -


With Empty Arms,
And Shattered Dreams...


 
Tuesday 17th January 2006
Alice Emma Crowder, 
Her Funeral Was Today...

It was a beautiful ceremony and we would like to Thank all the people that came to pay their respects it meant a lot to know we have a lots of family and friends around...

            
Her Gan Gans, My Pops' 
Read Out A Lovely Verse
At Her Graveside...



When God calls little children
to dwell with Him above,
We mortals sometime question
the wisdom of His love.
For no heartache compares with
the death of one small child
Who does so much to make our world,
seem wonderful and mild
Perhaps God tires of calling
the aged to his fold,
So He picks a rosebud,
before it can grow old.
God knows how much we need them,
and so He takes but few
To make the land of Heaven
more beautiful to view.
Believing this is difficult
still somehow we must try,
The saddest word mankind knows
will always be "Goodbye."
So when a little child departs,
we who are left behind
Must realize God loves children,
Angels are hard to find... 

 
Tuesday 17th January

On Alice's Funeral 
we recived so many flowers, gifts, 
sympathy cards, and Money, 
With the money we received off Friends & Family,

we got Alice a star named after her,
A delux pack from Star Listings International.

http://www.starlistings.co.uk




Angel Star - Alice Emma Crowder, 
8th January 2006,

Co-ordinates 02:35:15.431,
In the constellation Andromeda.


Stars are the forget-me-knots of angels
in the meadow of heaven.

 
Saturday 28th January 2006
Mummy & Daddy 
Booked a last minute holiday, 
We needed to get away, somewere busy.

And Off The Cuff,



Mummy & Daddy were married today, 




In Viva Las Vegas, 
A Drive Through Wedding, 
In The Famous Little White Wedding Chapel...

 
Sunday 26th March 2006
My first Mothers day...


Mother’s Day 

"Today is a day I should be able to celebrate,
Instead tears roll down from my eyes,
And all I can do is ask God “why?”
I would give up the world to just hold your hand,
Why you are gone, I will never understand,
So many unanswered questions run through my mind,
Wasn’t I good enough? Why was I left behind?
Then I hear your little voice in my heart, 
And I know that we will never really be apart,
All I can do now is bow my head…
“Lord, help me through this day.
Please let my angel visit my I pray”
Until I hold you again sweet child,
Mummy will celebrate Mother’s Day,
As a day to remember what once was,
And that death can not break a Mother’s love"

By Misty DeFord
 
Monday 27th March 2006
Pops, My Dad,



Passed Away Today -
Baby Alice's Gan Gans...

   


        (Thankyou Tammy xXx)

Evertonians are born, not manufactured.
We do not choose, we are chosen.
Those who understand, need no explanation,
those who don't.... don't matter.
          

My Pops' (Les Jones)
27th march 2006 

         


   (Thankyou Tammy xXx)


 
Saturday 1st April 2006
Mummy & Daddy Went Ahead With Our Wedding Party Today When We Returned Home,
We Needed & Got All The Support Off Our Family & Friends...


Our Wedding Cake...



 
Sunday 16th April 2006


    
         (Thankyou Tammy xXx)


               
            (Thankyou Tammy xXx)

 
Sunday 18th June 2006
Nic's First Fathers Day...










 
Friday 6th October 2006




Our Beautiful Baby Daughter, 
Alice Emma Crowder, 
Would Be Today - 

8 Months and 4 Weeks Old...

We Miss You Always & Forever Angel xXx

 
Sunday October 15th 7pm "Wave Of Light" 2006
                                   
           "Lighting this candle for all you 
        little angels in 
        remembrance of your special 
        day of honour, October 15th."

        We Love & Always Miss You  
        Alice, 
        We Released Your Balloon  
        Today xXx

     

remember our babies
acknowledge our grief
be mindful of those all around the world who also grieve
encourage each other and share our hope.

We now light five candles in honour of our babies who have died, Each candle represents a part of the journey we travel.

The first candle is lit -
The light of this candle represents our grief. The pain of our grief is intense and shows the depth of our love.

The second candle is lit -
The light of this cnadle represents our courage. Courage to confront our sorrow and to comfort each other. Courage to accept the things we cannot change.

The third candle is lit -
The light of this candle represents our love.
In our hearts remains a special place where we will always cherious our precious babies.

The forth candle is lit -
The light of this candle represents our hope.
The hope to dispel our fear and despair.
The hope for our future and our families.

The fith candle is lit-
The light of this candle represents our memories.
We remeber the joy of anticipation and preparation for our babies, the dreams we had of all they would do and be. We remeber the times we cried and mourned their death. All that our babies lives meant and have given to us lives on in our memories
 
Sunday October 15th "Baby Loss Awareness Day" 2006
http://www.babyloss-awareness.org
 

Please Promote Ribbons
& "Wave Of Light"... 



Baby Loss Awareness 

PO BOX 13703, MUSSELBURGH. 

EH21 6WX 

email: info@babyloss-awareness.org 

www.babyloss-awareness.org 

call: 07900 495436

Received with thanks from 

Lyndsey Crowder 

for the sale of Baby Loss Awareness Ribbon Pins during 

September/October 2006 

The sum of: £300
 

All monies raised will be split equally between: ARC (Antenatal Results and
Choices), Registered Charity No: 299770; Babyloss, a voluntary organisation
www.babyloss.com; The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust, Registered Charity No:
1071811; The Miscarriage Association, Registered Charity No: 1076829; Sands,
the stillbirth & neonatal death charity, Registered Charity No: 299679.

With Compliments
Marion C. Currie,
Campaign Co-ordinator.
For and on behalf of Baby Loss Awareness.


Baby Loss Awareness is a collaboration between the following organisations: ARC (Antenatal Results and Choices), Registered
Charity No: 299770; Babyloss, a voluntary organisation www.babyloss.com; The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust, Registered Charity
No: 1071811; The Miscarriage Association, Registered Charity No: 1076829; Sands, the stillbirth & neonatal death charity,
Registered Charity No: 299679.
Donor Receipt 2007
 


A Huge Thankyou, For Everyone 
Who Bought Ribbons, 
And All Your Support xXx

 
Saturday 21st October

To Katie Torres,



The Alice Crowder memorial website site 
will endure forever due to sponsorship,
From the big heart of Katie,

"Library of Life Foundation".

Please Visit Roy's Web Site -

http://www.roy-lynn.memory-of.com


 
Monday 30th October 2006 At 18.00hrs
We're Pregnant Again....

Alice Is Going To be A 

A BIG SISTER........

Today we found out i was pregnant.
we were over joyed, exited, nervous, scared, such an array of emotion, 
was high risk due to Alice so even higher now with twins, booked the doctor straight after the 3 pregnancy tests (about 4 weeks pregnant) - and was seen straight away with a consultant.
 
Tuesday 31st October 2006
Alice's First Halloween...

 


                 


                              

      
     
 
Sunday November 5th 2006


 
14th November 2006
Its Twins!!!!



Alice Will Be A Big Sister to 2 babies......



had a slight bleed - went the emergency room,
they said i had a UTI, this was probably the cause - we had a scan all was well & we saw are 2 precious babies 
(well 2 ickle sacs) found out it was twins...... 
 
16th November 2006
Now 6 weeks 4 days pregnant...



we returned for another scan - we saw the 2 heartbeats & 2 tiny babies it was wonderful news 
(now saying only 1 sac), 
all was going well.
 
29th November 2006
unfortunately its not good news...



Now at 8 weeks 4 days going for a routine scan to verify if there identical or 2 separate sacs — i felt sick nervous, i hate scans after Alice.
Also Twin clinic today.

We had a whole team midwives, consultants the lot,
they couldn't see much on the ultrasound scan - so i had an internal.

they took forever - 
they couldnt see much again, 
all she told us,
was im still pregnant but ive miscarried,
i was devested, 
couldn't understand what she was saying, 

how am i pregnant but miscarried????
ive had no pain, no bleeding all is fine & has been,
2 weeks ago - 
we had 2 heartbeats to ickle babies......

 

i got dressed they put me & nic in a room - couldn't talk for crying - fainted, felt dead inside yet again, i was so in shock, just wanted to go home hated this hospital so many bad memories of Alice.

finally the doctor came in & said what do we want to do?????
- i didn't know, what do we do,
i couldn't understand,
all she said she could see was a 1 sac with 2 dots, there was nothing there inside it, no heartbeats, no babies, - still couldn't & cant get my head round it. 

she told us to go back in a week to see if theirs any change & just to verify what shes seen this week - 
then either tablets or surgery to get rid of our twins.... 

that was is it, go home see you next week!!!!!

felt so distraught they way we been treated - 
no-one explained anything - did they not understand what we'd been through with Alice?? 
and what were going through now??
i know they see miscarriages all the time - but the could have put time aside to explain, & looked after us more, after out Loss of our beatifull daughter Alice.

my head ached, my heart aches, just stood outside numb - waiting for mum to pick us up. 

Nic's pain i felt, i feel - 
but he's trying to be strong for me.

Still oh so confused, still haven't bled, still no pains, nothing feel fine, except nausea & tender breasts!!! 

im just praying to god.....

(if there still is a god after what he's put us through this year) 

I bleed naturally & i don't have to go back for this scan, to that horrbile hospital & surgery next week. 

cant cope now, as it is.....

this is going to be such a hard week, 

 My Baby Alice

 My Angel Twins



Mummy & Daddy Are Broken Hearted Again......



But we Love You All So, So Much xXx
 
6th December

Two Sac's Were Seen Today after the scan,
Two embryo's, but still no heartbeats,
Nothing had changed since the last scan. 


       (Thankyou Maria)


Its such a horrible/heartbreaking feeling, 
We miss all our angels so much xXx

 
8th December 2006
Been in for surgery today - 
were not pregnant anymore....



Im sure our Angel Baby Alice - 
Will be looking after her twins up in heaven.



We Love You All - Sweet Angels xXx

 
20th December 2006
Alice's Headstone 
& Kirb Were Fitted Today...



Thankyou Very Much,
To Dave, David & Mark Hollywood
At Monor Monuments.
 
25th Decmber 2006 - Alice's First Christmas











Very Merry Christmas To You!


Merry Christmas
Happy New Year too
May your dreams come true
And may a Christmas Alice Star

Shine brightly where you are
I wish a Very Merry Christmas to you
 
 
31st December 2007 - New Years Eve
Sweat Pea, Alice,

Your Little Cousin Is On Her Way today,



Watch Over Her, 
And her Mummy & Daddy,

We Pray  

All Goes Well xXx
 
1st January 2007


You First Little Girl Cousin 
Was Born Today,



Congralutations To Nic's Brother, 
(my Brother In Law),
Martin & His Girlfriend Michelle



Baby Freya was born at 1.08am,
Weighing 6lb 13oz.




She Looks So Much Like You sweet Pea, Beautiful, 
With Her Dark Hair & Long Eyelashes,

Definitely A Crowder.....



Keep Her Safe & 
Watch Over Her In Heaven Alice.

xXx

 
Monday 8th Janaury 2007
Please Read Alice's Birthday Wishes, 
In Her Tributes And Condolences xXx




Thankyou Dianne xXx



Thankyou Dianne xXx




Thankyou Donna xXx
 
Wednesday 17th January 2007
12 Months Ago Today We Buried You today Sweet Angel Alice, 



How Things Should Be So Different Now...
We Miss You More Each Day  xXx


 
Wednesday 14th February 2007 - Valentines day




           Alice



 
Tuesday 13th March 2007

 Gan Gans, And Pops' (Dad) xXx





Here Are Two Blue Roses, 
For Your Birthday,
one Off Me And One Off Nic xXx




          (Thankyou Tammy xXx)   
       

 
Sunday 18th March 2007 - My Second Mothers Day
Another....




With Out You My Sweet Baby



I Miss And Love You So Much



My Heart Aches For You Baby Girl...



A Mother's Day Wish From Heaven
 
Dear Mr. Hallmark, 
I am writing to you from heaven, and though it must appear
A rather strange idea, I see everything from here.
I just popped in to visit, your stores to find a card
A card of love for my mother, as this day for her is hard.
There must be some mistake I thought, every card you could imagine
Except I could not find a card, from a child who lives in heaven.
She is still a mother too, no matter where I reside
I had to leave, she understands, but oh the tears she’s cried.
I thought that if I wrote you, that you would come to know
That though I live in heaven now, I still love my mother so.
She talks with me, and dreams with me; we still share laughter too,
Memories our way of speaking now, would
you see what you could do?
My mother carries me in her heart, her tears she hides from sight.
She writes poems to honor me, sometimes far into the night
She plants flowers in my garden, there my living memory dwells
She writes to other grieving parents, trying to ease their pain as well.
So you see Mr. Hallmark, though I no longer live on earth
I must find a way, to remind her of her
wondrous worth
She needs to be honored, and remembered too
Just as the children of earth will do.
Thank you Mr. Hallmark, I know you’ll do
your best
I have done all I can do; to you I’ll leave the rest.
Find a way to tell her, how much she means to me
Until I can do it for myself, when she joins me in eternity. 

Author Unknown


 
Tuesday 27th March 2007

Its Been One Year....
Since we Lost You Pops' (Dad),

Hope You And Alice Are 
Together On Heaven xXx




Pops' Ashes Are Buried With Alice, 
So They Share This Beautiful Garden Together



               (Thankyou Brandy  xXx)

Pops' (My Dad's) Angel Date xXx


              (Thankyou Brandy xXx)

Miss You Pops (Dad) xXx



Yellow Flowers, Daffodils & Lillies, 
For Your Gan Gans'
Angel-Versary In Heaven

 
Sunday 8th April 2007
Alice's 2nd Easter....

            
                   (Thankyou Misty xXx)


                    (Thankyou Tally xXx)

               

                   (Thankyou Tammy xXx)

            
 
Sunday 17th June 2007 - Fathers Day

My Daddy's 2nd Fathers Day xXx

      
             

          


        (Your Daughter Alice & Your Twins)


http://www.geocities.com/griefpoetry/fathersday.html


 


http://www.geocities.com/griefpoetry2/fathersday.html




http://www.geocities.com/griefpoetry2/fdgift.html


 
Saturday 7th July 2007 - 07/07/2007

Today Should Have Been 
Our Twins Due Date xXx





 
Friday August 17th 2007 - Mummy's 30th Birthday


            


Mummy & Daddy Went To Paphos, In Cyprus 
All Inclusive For A Week.
It Was Hot, Hot, Hot.



We Missed You Angel xXx

 
Saturday 1st September 2007 - Mummy's 30th Birthday Party



      














 
Monday October 15th 2007 - "Wave Of Light"
                                           


                            3 Candles Were Shining Bright, 
                            At 7pm Tonight,
                            For Alice & Our Crowder Twins

                                            
 
Monday 24th December 2007

Alice's 2nd Christmas In Heaven

Miss You Sweet Pea xXx

 
Tuesday 1st January 2008

Your Cousin Freya's 1st Birthday,

And Hopefully A Better Year For Mummy,

Daddy & Family xXx

                

 

 
Tuesday 8th January 2008 - Alice's 2nd Birthday

Alice is 2......

Happy Birthday Angel We Love You xXx

                         

 
Friday 11th January 2008

More Ovulation Scan's,

Mummy Has Been On Clomid For 3 Months 

To Try & Get Pregnant Again....

Fingers Crossed, Mummy & Daddy Are Healthy,

Hopefully Clomid Will Help Us Then...

As Its Just Mummy's Hormones - Boo ....

 
Monday 14th January 2008

Daddy's Birthday

He's 27.....

 

        

 
Friday 1st February 2008

We're Pregnant Again.....

Possibly 4 Weeks,

3 tests Later All Positive.



Please Watch Over Us Alice,

Keep Our New Baby Safe xXx


 
Wednesday 5th March 2008

Buba Crowder's

1st Scan

about 9 weeks....

All Is Well xXx

 
Tuesday 18th March 2008

The Day Our Lives Changed.......

Id not been well really since last aug,
itchy skin & rashes
(Dr's misdiagnosed me with scabies then allergic rashes)
then at Christmas had a bad cough and lumps in my neck

(got treated for chest infection, infections in neck & ashma.....so wasnt)



I'd started loosing weight & very tired

(but went like this with Alice) so just blamed the pregnancy,
my breathing was getting worse & dr just kepping giving me different inhalers,
the last point was he kept telling me im anaemic that why I was breathless...........



I was so ill, couldn't breath, get dressed do anything,
so me & nic went to casualty today,
they finally had to do a chest X-ray even thou I was pregnant,


then all  broke loose.........

saw loads of Dr's then has a biopsy in my neck,

then when to theatre to remove one of the lymph nodes in my neck,
me & nic were sat down & basically told ive got Cancer & we'll loose the baby -

.......

over the next few days was a blur,

its a cancer called Hodgkin's Disease 

- my lymph glands,

got a tumour the size of a small football in my chest, tumours in my neck, abdomen & diapragm.

its very rare to be pregnancy with this form of cancer only 6 medical cases in USA,
so seeing every man and his dog,



we has 3 decisions, terminate the baby (no chance)
wait till I was 3 months then start chemo
or wait till I was 32 weeks deliver baby

& start  

chose 2nd one

(its only now I found out I prob wouldn't have lasted till 32weeks pregnant I was that unwell in hospital) - scary!!!!!!! 

 

thats why they wanted me to get rid of baby to save me......

 

 
Tuesday 25th March 2008

Checking On Buba Crowder,

To See If Everything Is Okay For Me To Start

Chemotherapy.....

Im About 11 Weeks Now.

 
Friday 4th April 2008

Finally Out Of Hospital after 

getting PICC Line fitted,

  

Two Blood Transfusions

And 1st Set Of Chemo,

I Cant Have Normal Anti-Sickness Tablets

Like Other Cancer Patients Due To The Pregnancy...

Buba Is Still Fighting Tho :)

I Will Now Have Chemo Every 14 Days,

PICC Line Flushes Twice A Week,

Regular Baby Growth Scans & Numerous Visits

To Baby Consultant & To Cancer Consultant....

 
Monday 21st April 2008

Another Baby Growth Scan....

15 weeks

All Is Going Good xXx

 
Thursday 22nd May 2008

20 Week Scan

Is it A Boy Or Girl???

Its A Suprise ;)

 
Sun 25th May - Wed 28th May 2008

Back In Hospital With My Breathing

Query Blood Clot,

My Daily Fragmion Injections Have Be Upped...

 
Tuesday 10th June 2008

23 Weeks Scan,

Buba & Mummy Coping With Chemo....

Buba's Fighting & Poor Mummy Is Really Ill,

But Us Both Are Fighting Strong Together.....

He/She Is Looking At Us

 
Wednesday 9th July 2008

MRI Scan Today...

 

An Hour Lying On My Back With A Big Bump,

Horrible....

Results Showed The Tumour In My Chest Is Still Quite Large But Is Shrinking & Reacting To Chemo,

My Abdomin Ones Have Gone... Good News.

I Had 8 Chemo's Now, But Its Cycle 4,

On Cycle 6, I Will Have Another Scan To See If Any Changes In Tumours, To Carry On With Chemo Or Start RadioTherapy......

 
Thursday 3rd July 2008

26 Weeks Scan,

No Picture As Photo Machine was Broke, Gutted....

Due Date For Buba To Fit In With Chemo

5th September 2008,

(fetus in sixth month)

Booked In For C Section

At 34 Weeks....

Its The Same Consultant That Looked After Us With Alice & Twins - Scared & Excited

 

Not Long Now......

 
Wednesday 23rd July 2008

Buba Crowder's 3D Scan,

Thankyou To My Work, For The Collection,

That Paid For This Scan.

Very Emotional - But Best Day Of My Pregnancy By Far.

29 Weeks.....

Got My Eye Open A Bit

Im Sleeping - Dont Wake Me

Cheeky Smile - Hiding behind my cord

Can You See Me Now?

 
Sunday August 31st - Welcome Sidney Rose Crowder

Welcome Sidney Rose Crowder,

Born At 34 Weeks,

On 31st August 2008,

4lbs 9oz xXx

Sidneys Minutes old....

Sidney & Mummy

Sidney & Daddy

Look How Big Daddy's Hand is to me...

 
September 2009 - May 2009
Im sorry haven't updated a lot has gone on,

we had another daughter Sidney Rose 31 Aug 08,
pictures on my facebook & Alice's Homepage,

my tumour's grew again in my chest,
after the birth of my second daughter,
had AVBD chemo two days before she was born,
 
and Dr's saw something in my tummy after the birth 
(more nodes/cancer or just because of C section)

had to wait 6-8 weeks for PET scan,
no nodes they have gone, but tumour re-grew in chest,

Started E-SHAP Chemo, more invasive In Dec 2008,
Had 3 Cycles, Dec 08, Jan 09, Feb 09,

after long stays in Hospital, Did Nothing,
Didn't do anything, this intensive Chemo didnt work, 
Tumours didn't Shrink :(

Took very poorly end of Feb 2009, ended up in critical care, My Temp was 40.1 !!

had infection, septic Shock don't know were possibly in Hickman line?
or were I had stem cell harvest from groin.

they removed line No 2 anyway,
got line no3 Fitted for Stem Cell harvest
and Bone Marrow Transplant which Ive just had in March 2009,
im now 6 weeks post transplant,

Await doctor's review for radiotherapy on Monday 18th May 2009.

And finally line free after 13 months.....
(Because ive been in hospital a long time couldnt even go the cemetry on Alice's 3rd Birthday, but Nic & All The Family went and all our Friends - Thankyou xXx)
 
Saturday 9th May

My Big Milestone, i made it to our Laura's & Gary's Wedding, day & Night, was fantastic, A perfect 1st day out :)

Congraltulations to Mr & Mrs Warrington's fantastic day.

Wedding ceremony held at St Benet's church.

Reception held at Knowsley Hall.


The 9th May 2009 was definitely a day/night to remember..!!

(Photo's Below)

http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=90650072281#/group.php?gid=86082402521&ref=ts

 
Monday 18th May 2009

Saw Radio Dr Today All Systems Go For Radiotherapy,

Go To Clatterbridge this Fri,

For Radio Planning,

Looking to Blast My Tumour In My Chest, Not Sure What There Doing With My Neck Ones Yet...

 
Friday 22nd May 2009

 Been To Clatterbridge Today,

had a CT Scan & They used my last Mold (just reshaped it to fit) from last time when radio was cancelled as my tumours had grew after I Had Sidney Rose whilst waiting for a PET scan, the radio then would have caused more damage than good.

go back in a week for Radiotherapy Simulation....

"then off to Wembley for FA CUP, Watch Everton the Blue Boys"

Then back to the grind :(

Radio starts 3rd June 09,

for 15 treatments.....

 
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